God Remembered Me

Shortly after Alden was born, around 2 or 3 months old, I was having a really awful day. My two babies were both under 2 years old (Rachel would have been around 21 or 22 months) and needed my help with everything. I was beginning to get really deeply exhausted from a lack of sleep (something that continued until Alden was around 10 months old so, I still had a while to go). Post-par-tum depression was settling in. My body was still recovering, my days were demanding, and my nights were a blur. When people ask me what it is like to have two children 19 months apart, I say this. I imagine it's like having twins in some ways, except that one can easily kill the other one. They cannot ever be left alone together for any amount of time, even just to go get a drink in the next room. They are both in diapers, neither speaks all that much, both need rocking and singing to sleep, both take lots of naps--though never at the same time, meals are all on me, etc. Anyways, it was a difficult time. This day in particular, a Monday, was really bad.

Out of the sheer mercy of God, I swear it, I managed to get both children down for an afternoon nap at the same time. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, stepped into the shower (which had evaded me all morning) and just cried. I cried and prayed and just wanted to know what God thought of my whole situation. I wanted even emotional relief. I was feeling alone and wondering whether we had made the right decision to have Alden so soon. He had been a very prayed for and wanted baby from the moment even Rachel was born. We knew he needed to come when he did, but it was just so hard. I didn't feel overwhelming peace like I had wanted to with my prayer. I got out of the shower, got dressed, and started to "get ready" for the day when I picked up my cell phone. I had 2 missed calls from Jason, both while I was in the shower, with a voice message. He said that he'd had a really productive day at school and had done all he felt he needed to accomplish that day by 3 pm (he usually stayed until about 5). I could come and get him anytime I wanted, and he thought I might need a break. I sat there with my phone and just cried and cried, feeling remembered. I knew that God had helped Jase be productive, and had perhaps arranged things so that I would feel his love through Jason. It couldn't have been coincidence that the moment I was pouring my soul out in the shower Jase called. It felt like God was telling me, "We've got this together. You made the right choice, and although it's tough, we can do this. How about a break this afternoon?"

Pictures from around that time. Such precious babies!