Figuring Things Out

I have had so much on my mind over the past few days worrying about my Alden-boy. This will be a terribly long post, but writing it out is helping me sort through everything. Little man has had a bit of trouble falling asleep the past few days. I posted on Facebook to get solicited advice about ways other people have dealt with too-young babies climbing out of cribs, and I got a lot of feedback. I was overwhelmed by how many different ways there are to do things. Some people subscribe to cry-it-out methods and others are firmly against it. Everyone has such different ways of doing things, and I'm friends with all of these wonderful mothers! The reason for this is of course, that all people are different; family dynamics are different, schedules are different, mothers and fathers are different, and probably most of all, children are different.

What I'm learning especially right now is that children in the same family can be very different. This is the first time it's hit me hard that the ways I had of doing things (discipline, bedtime routines) with Rachel may need to be very different and individual for Alden. Kids simply have different needs and different insecurities, and it's my job as their mother to read them, understand them, and treat them accordingly. I think in the past I've applied too much of what I learned from Rachel to Alden, assuming he would respond the same way. I don't have a clue why I thought I could do this, because I've always known he was so different from her. His babyhood was completely different, his temperament was different, and he had much different challenges than her. He also had a different mother, in a way; I've grown up and changed just as much as Rachel and Alden have.

When Rachel was born I was a bit more clueless and less confident, and luckily God sent me a baby who easily nursed and accepted the "cry-it-out" (sort of) method around 9 months old (I had read no books about it, this was just what worked with her after trying some different things). With her it was very simply done over a period of about three nights, and ever since she's had a pretty consistent and comfortable sleep schedule and routine with hardly any crying. Obviously we've made adjustments as she's aged or had illnesses, and I've become really good at reading her sleep needs. She has also become really good at reading her own needs, and rarely fights me on napping or going to sleep, because she understands how good sleep makes her feel. She was taught from a young age how to fall asleep by herself when the time was appropriate, and I don't regret doing what we did with her. She's a total champ and has been so flexible with us and with Alden through all of his sleep problems. She's always been a flexible person, able to read herself and others and go with the flow. She is perceptive and deeply kind, and I'm so grateful for these wonderful traits in her. I think she came to us with many of those traits, but perhaps some of it was because she had such a grappling, imperfect, young mother trying desperately to figure out how to take care of her. She also got a little brother when she herself was just a baby and lost (in my mind sometimes) a little too much of her babyhood too quickly. She had to be flexible! She also gained a best friend to boss around all the time, much to her liking; and there is no one who loves that boy more than her, so I guess it's a trade off. It always is.

This is what I believe about sleep, in general, for all people. Sleep makes a huge difference in the way we live our lives. I was flabbergasted to get 36 comments, mostly within one hour of my initial post. Even this fact shows how important this issue is to us, especially to parents (who made up a large body of those posting). Whether or not you sleep can literally change who you are; how you feel, how you think, what you think about, and thus what you do and how you act. I think especially for small growing bodies, appropriately timed and quality sleep makes a huge difference in behavior, security, happiness, mental activity, energy, and physical health. I have found that for my kids, their ideal times to fall asleep are 7 for Alden and 8 for Rachel. They will forever wake up at 6 am, but that's okay since they are each getting 11 and 10 hours of sleep each night (exactly the amount they need). They also both take a nap from about 1-3 every day (this is largely why Rachel goes to bed a little later--the nap is still needed and worth it for her).

Even for me, understanding sleep and getting enough sleep makes a drastic difference in my life. During my especially sleep-deprived days and months after Alden was born, I began to get very chronically sick. I would have these strange "flares" where my lower joints would be swell and become extremely painful, especially my knees and hips. My family history is heavy in autoimmune disorders and these symptoms were beginning to look interesting, so I went to my doctor and eventually a rheumatologist. They found actual joint narrowing in both of my 23 year old (at the time) knees, and blood work came back with results looking an awful lot like someone with an autoimmune disease. My symptoms were never bad enough (and they come and go) for me to be willing to take steroids or pain medication other than good ol' prescription dose Ibuprofen, so my specialist and I parted ways to meet again someday if (and maybe when) things get worse. The interesting thing is that these symptoms gradually went away the more sleep I got as Alden got healthier and slept better. Autoimmune disorders (especially flares) are triggered by things like having a baby, a lack of sleep, or incredible stress: three things my life was full of for that year. Two babies under two, very little sleep, even sometimes not sleeping for more than an hour in a row while rocking my ear-infection stricken baby all night, and then caring for my attention starved toddler all day. All that stress and in turn lack of sleep set me up for sickness and depression. Basically, sleep is key, even for me. And if an adult needs it, growing children need more of it.

So for our game plan. Ultimately, the source of Alden's problems is what we feel we must focus on, rather than just focusing on his getting out of bed and simply putting him back in the way we were doing (which was just frustrating for us both). I think he's deeply insecure about the move, and I think being in the hotel has affected both Alden and Rachel a lot more than we before thought. What I realized is that even though our bedtime routine was consistent and no different than it ever has been, our daytime routines (outside of the kids consistent nap) have been all over the place with Dad home, no Joy School, living in a hotel, and not having our regular play dates and errands. Plus the kids keep hearing us talk about this impending "move" that they don't understand. I think it's made them uncertain and unconsciously stressed out (this is hard for me to realize, because I feel like we've done everything we can to help them feel loved and cared for, and there is nothing we can do about living in a hotel or moving). As free-spirited happy as Rachel is even through all of this, there have been more meltdowns than normal, and even a few nights of bed-wetting (something she's never done in her year since potty-training). So for the next several weeks of transition (from the hotel to the new house), we've decided to take it really easy on both of them. Sometimes you have to take a hard line (no hitting or biting), and sometimes you have to give a little, especially when you know they are having a hard time. Rachel still has no problems falling asleep, but we've decided she'll be falling asleep on the couch and moved to her bed in the kid's room later in the evening (thank goodness for her flexibility!). This will keep her sleep time early enough for her and she won't have to wait for Alden to fall asleep in order to get in bed.

As for Alden, after his regular bedtime routine, I will be holding him and singing to him (this is what he's most relaxed by, reading seems to stimulate him) in the dark until he gets sleepy enough to put in his bed. Cry-it-out worked for Alden as a younger baby (around one year old), but that was a time when we had addressed his insecurities and we were in a different place and time. I plan on adjusting the time I spend with Alden as he gets more comfortable with the new place and we get set in a more consistent routine. I can't spend an hour and a half singing to him every night when I have another little girl who needs me too, but I can eventually spend a full half hour singing and helping him relax. I'm realizing he just needs that extra alone time with Mama since he really hardly ever gets that. Basically we just have to start bedtime routines earlier so he can be asleep at the latest by 8 for now, and move that time earlier as he falls asleep faster. If we continue to have problems with him getting out of bed because of freedom, we may have to move him to a toddler bed so he can get back in bed on his own, and make the room his "crib" essentially. At that point we will have addressed his reasons for insecurity and he'll be back to his routines and in his own home.

I think that's enough for tonight! :)

Bedtime Craziness and Thoughts on the Young Man

Alden has now officially learned how to get in and out of his port-a-crib (his only sleep option at the moment). The way he does it is just hilarious to me. He backs up a little ways to get a running start and then takes off into a jump-cling move akin to Spider-man on the side of the crib, with his hands gripping the top edge and his little toes digging into the mesh side wall. In one more fluid motion he is head first into the crib and flips over with a giggle. Getting out used to be a little harder (no running start) but he's now mastered hoisting one of his little legs up over the edge and throwing the rest of his body out while hanging on with his hands. Because he now has more control over being in bed, he doesn't really want to be there much. Last night Jase had to drag him back to bed every minute or two for about an hour and a half, and finally just sat in there and stared at the wall until the kids fell asleep (I was at my last mutual night at the time...poor Jase looked like he might tear his hair out when I got home). This also means the kids haven't been going to sleep until about 9 for the last few nights, leading to 5 am wake-ups and grumpy babies. Today for his nap Alden kept getting out again so Jase went in there and did the same thing as the night before-sat there and ignored him, except to "shush" him if he said anything. It only took him ten minutes to fall asleep; I guess he knew with Dad in there he wasn't going to get out. Hopefully after we move, Alden will be stuck in his real crib, but if he can climb out...a crib tent? Sheesh! Not a once did Rachel ever do this so much, even when we transitioned her to a toddler bed when she turned 2. Every kid is a new experience I guess.

I am learning just how incredibly mischievous my little guy is. He used to be so shy and observant, afraid of being involved in too much, and now that he's nearly two he is all about pushing buttons and diving into his bed head first. Luckily, he is still really, really sweet and all about melting his girls' hearts. It only takes flashing that devilish grin and chattering on about everything he loves about us. I sure love him back, and maybe all his crazy antics lately are just one more reason to add to my growing list of reasons why Alden is a hard but worth-it kid. I sometimes have no idea how to teach/discipline him. He giggles through almost every time out (he gets a one minute time-out with his face in the corner and his hands held to his sides for aggressive/mean behavior). He cannot be made to feel bad about, well, anything (I'm throwing food? Sure, take it away Mom, I didn't want it anyways!). Today while trying to put him down for his nap, and just before putting him back in bed for the fifteenth time I spanked him--a less than proud moment for me. I had already taken away his favorite blanket and sock monkey, and he had sauntered out to hand me his stuffed Tigger as well, because well, why not give me that too? Now, I've never been one to spank my kids. After I did it He. Seriously. Raised. His. Eyebrows. and gave me a look that said, "Really? That's all you've got left?" It was totally aggravating how pointless that swat was (also meaning I realize how ineffective and better-left-unused it was). I'm sure he's just testing us right now to see what we'll follow through on and what he can get away with. Even still, I really love his personality. He is happy-go-lucky and silly but also very kind and thoughtful. He is the first to help clean up anything, he gives the best squeezes and wet kisses, and he's always asking me, "How doin' Mama?" In answer to that, I'm doing good my Alden-boy. I guess you can be a little ornery because you are nearly two. But I'm just happy you're mine.

More Picture Updates

The babies enjoying our hotel room. There was hardly anything in the kitchen cabinets below, so I pulled out what was in there since the kids loved the space. Rachel started calling it her "hide out" from the "bad guys," which Alden has converted into "hide-guys." He always wants to play in his "hide-guys" spot. I'm thinking about reserving a lower cabinet in our new kitchen as a little hide out for the kids to play in. Below, Alden is playing hide-and-seek. He really doesn't get the game, and picks the most obvious places to hide. He thinks if he crouches in a corner and can't see anyone, no one must be able to see him. Cute boy.

 Here's the babies with their beloved statue. This statue stands in front of the law school, and Rachie's loved it from day one. It wasn't long before we'd pull up and she'd say from the back, "Hi John Marshall, Hi George Wythe" (pronounced by Rachie: George Wiff). Alden thinks they are pretty great as well.

Here's Rachel with one of her best buddies, Caleb at the JRCLS send-off cookout to celebrate the end of the year and say goodbye to the 3L's. These little ones have been playing together since they first learned to crawl. The picture below Rachel and Caleb is of Alden and our friend Luke playing on the park manager's truck/cart. They spent a ton of time during the cookout imagining they were driving together on this thing.

 Alden loves to relax with his arms behind his head and I think he's just cute.

 From our most recent Busch Gardens trip. Loving on Elmo.

 Petting a Clydesdale with Daddy.

 Alden giddy as can be after getting absolutely soaked on the log flume ride. Jase literally rung out Alden's shirt afterwards and we had to strip him down up top and put on his jacket to warm him up.

 Rachie scored big at the pet show. Busch Gardens has a 57 year old parrot named Stevie who actually does math. He can solve any math problem with an answer less than 10 as long as it's a simple two number combination of addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division. We prepped Rachel a little and picked the math problem 2 x 3. She went up on stage like a champ and told Stevie her problem. He actually said "uh-oh" to her (he laughs for addition and subtraction because they are easier for him), but then solved it just fine. Smart little parrot.

These last three pictures are from the last week of Joy School. Here are five of the six kids performing a few of their favorite songs.

I taught the last day of school. We did a little recap of activities from throughout the year, so we took a nature walk to play at the park behind the hotel.

Here's all six kids with their graduation hats. So glad we got to know all these cute kids and their families a bit more. We'll miss them.

Pictures

 A few pictures of things we've done in the last few months. Above and below--a trip to the Norfolk Zoo over spring break in early March. It was cold and not many of the animals were out, but the kids had a ton of fun, we got some exercise, and we got to see a baby monkey on the back of his Mama for quite a while. The monkeys were indoors and hugely interactive through the glass with the kids.

Below are pictures of little miss. First is from our trip to the Chesapeake Bay over spring break while Jason's Dad and Step mom were in town. Rachel found herself a little ladybug to take care of for awhile.

I think the below picture is so cute. Alden loves watching Jason shave and so Jase often lets him "practice" with a comb or something else. He wants so much to be like his Daddy. Alden also has recently become obsessed with Jason's leather wallet, always taking out the cards, etc. He kept finding it no matter where Jase put it, so we bought Alden his own little cheap leather wallet. He feels so grown up with his little Martin's grocery card in there, tucked in his back pocket just like Daddy.

A picture of Jase on his 28th birthday. We had his favorite cake--German chocolate with coconut pecan frosting. He says he feels much older than before, being "almost 30." Jase thinks it's crazy that he can remember when his own Dad turned 30, so it's crazy to him that he's closer to being there. For his birthday we went to bowl as a family. The kids had a blast and looked so cute in their little bowling shoes.


I don't know if I had before said anything about Rachel taking ballet lessons, but she had a blast with them for the last few months. The local community center had a great deal with a wonderful teacher, Miss Tessa. Miss Tessa is an undergrad nursing student and dancer who just loves to teach. The class had about 5-10 little girls in it each week, for just about a half hour. Rachel learned a few things about ballet, but I think mostly just had fun dancing, listening to and getting to know Miss Tessa, and learning to make new friends. The first day we went to class Rachel was so nervous because she didn't know anyone there. We talked about how you make new friends and how it's important to say hi and smile and help other people not to feel nervous, and then you forget that you are nervous yourself. We talked about how to ask other people questions about themselves and listen and learn and be a friend. She timidly walked up to a cute little girl who also was there for her first time and found she really liked her. When we left she said she was glad to have some ballet friends but that she liked her "real" friends better (she was referring to the friend group she's had since she was a baby), which made me laugh. We talked about how they are all "real," but some we know better than others. It was a fun experience for her, and I think she loved ballet.

Here's Alden-boy reading his most favorite book, "Trains" by Byron Barton.


More to come...

The Final Semester

Since my last post exactly two months ago, we've had so much happen that needs to be recorded. I'll do my best to get it all down.

When I last wrote, Jason was at the PMF job fair in Washington D.C. Later that week, the kids and I drove up to meet him in D.C. and take him to one last interview downtown. The kids and I saw the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, just down the road from the HHS building where Jase had his interview. Alden was especially in awe of the hanging airplanes and Rachel loved the space tech stuff. Alden was a little disappointed when we couldn't find helicopters anywhere, but after talking with their info-desk, we found out those are housed in another center in Chantilly, Virginia (who knew?). Apparently this place has all of the coolest "big stuff" that is too big to house in downtown D.C. They even have the space shuttle Discovery there! We're planning a visit for Alden's birthday, as they happen to have a special "Super Saturday" featuring helicopters on August 11th (his birthday is the 13th). I can't wait to see his face.

As for how the job search turned out, Jase accepted an offer to work for the FDA in their Department of Human Resources as a Human Resources Specialist. He's thrilled about the job (not only relieved to have one, but happy with the people he'll be working with and the type of work he'll be doing). There is plenty of promotional potential and they really seemed to want him there. He'll do a great job. We originally thought he'd be working at the FDA campus in White Oak, MD, but recently realized that his office is actually housed in Bethesda. Good thing we signed a rental lease to live in Gaithersburg, just 20 minutes by metro! We did some home searching in Maryland and found a great little condo for a good price, and close to the metro. We'll be able to save our money by staying in a two bedroom for another two years, and stick with one car for awhile as well. The benefits of savings just outweigh the conveniences of space and another car. We'll be safe and comfortable, and have enough for our needs and a few wants, and be able to beef up our savings. We're very happy with our plan. We also realize how blessed we are to have a job in this market, and are feeling very grateful for the way we were led to be at this school, at this time, making these decisions, and getting this job in the D.C. area. It's not my ideal area, nor would I have picked it first (I do not consider myself much of a city girl), but we cannot deny how important it was that we came to William and Mary, met the people we have, and had the experiences we've had, because we can see how all that led us to the job and location we are moving to now.

We had a little bit of a small crisis happen in our apartment towards the end of April. Essentially, our kitchen area was flooded by the upstairs condo's malfunctioning dishwasher. Water came pouring in from the light fixtures (imagine my shock!) and heavily damaged the ceiling, cabinetry, and flooring. The next day brought workers tearing apart our kitchen and a quick packing job. Luckily we have displacement coverage in our rental insurance, and after some awesome negotiating by Jason we secured a two-bedroom suite in a local hotel. We've been here at the Residence Inn now for almost a month. The adjustment was a bit hard for the kids, being without all of their regular things, beds, blankets, and toys, but we've tried to make things comfortable and now I think they are doing fine. The hotel has a hot breakfast that I don't have to cook every morning, and I can get my sheets and towels cleaned by someone else. Originally we thought we'd be back in our apartment by now, but the only thing that's changed about the place is that the ceiling has been refinished. The living/dining area is still full of kitchen appliances, and the kitchen is still bare and empty. The house is largely packed up though, since we're not using anything there, so that's actually been surprisingly convenient.

Jason's law school graduation was a week ago, on the 13th.. It was a perfect weekend for it, and we enjoyed having Jason's mom Elizabeth here to celebrate with us. I'm so proud of Jase for all he has done. He's worked hard to put himself financially through two degrees, worked hard to find a job and then received a prestigious fellowship, and finished in the top third of his class academically. And he did all that while helping me raise our family. He's the first of his family tree to earn a graduate level degree, and I'm so proud of him.

Rachel had her own little "graduation" of sorts as well for completing her first year of Joy School. It was a fun experience for both of us. She misses spending time with her friends, and I think it will be hard for her for a bit since many of her friends are moving, and we'll be moving in about a week. Luckily she still has her Alden to boss around (I mean...keep her company?). We heard from our new Bishop and Elders Quorum President in our new ward that there is a very large Primary program, so I'm sure she'll find and make many new friends quickly. She's very outgoing and kind, so I don't think she'll have any problem with it. We've loved having such good friends at such a young age for our children, and I think probably have had a very lucky and unique experience. Rachel has been playmates with a few of her friends since she was just crawling at 9 months old, and grown to experience all those milestones through preschool with them. I'm so grateful to have all these memories and to have so many children in my life. I love Rachel's little friends as though they were my little nieces and nephews and it hurts to leave them all, knowing they'll grow up and probably not remember us very well or at all. But we're on to new adventures and new experiences. The D.C. area holds so many opportunities and things to do, and I think Rachel will really enjoy it.

As for me, I've been busy taking care of these little ones, packing up the apartment, and preparing for our move. Over the last few months with having more time on my hands during nap time and after bed time I've been missing structured learning/being in school. For awhile I got on a bit of kick to go back and get an associates of nursing and become an RN, but realized how much time that would take out of the my daytime. Ideally earning something at night would be better for now. Unfortunately, nursing degrees are (understandably) hands on and built around a very rigid schedule and cohort. Basically that means that I feel I should wait until all my children (including future ones) are in schools of their own. It's been a personal decision for me that I just can't bear to leave the babies with anyone else. The other day I was researching other educational options and bumped into BYU's Independent Study online program. You can take online courses of various disciplines. There are a few free courses that look interesting, but I found two courses for around $500 each that I'm really excited to take. Jase and I decided they'd be good investments for me to continue learning, even if it's just one course a year that's not contributing to any sort of degree (I already have a Bachelor's degree). My first pick is a World Geography course, built around learning about the different countries and their relationships. The syllabus sounded fascinating and the professor seems really interesting and insightful. I never had the chance to take any history or geography courses at BYU since I took the humanities and social sciences routes for general education (of which I was very happy with) and I'm really excited to get to know more about the world and current issues in different parts of the world. The beauty of these courses is that you pay for them and purchase texts, etc. as if you were going to class, but you complete the lessons, assignments, and quizzes at your own pace whenever you like. You have up to a year to finish each course for credit. As much as I told myself I could do self directed learning, I haven't been very good at it and need some structure and direction, and I feel like professors do actually offer some great insights and ways of thinking that I couldn't necessarily come by on my own. Anyways, I may be taking a World Geography course in the fall, and have started taking a free personal finance course online for the summer. Jase thinks that after the bar (he'll take the Maryland Bar in February) maybe he'll start taking a course here and there and we can study together and be perpetual part time students learning all sorts of things (I guess we're both nerds!?).

Since the end of school and graduation we've filled our days with packing and prepping for the move. We decided to do a few "stay-cation" things during our last few weeks in Williamsburg, so we went to Busch Gardens on Friday. We all had a perfect day. Both kids can ride the log flume with us, and Alden got so giddy on that ride (it's kind of like Splash Mountain at the end). They met Elmo again, gave him lots of hugs, and Rachel got to ride on a real roller coaster. We're going to try to go another two times before we have to leave (Rachel got a free summer preschool pass and Jase and I got the "pay for a day, play all summer" passes).

And I think that brings us up to date. I'd like to think I'll get better about blogging, but who knows. I'm feeling pretty good about just recording some of the basic things I know I'll forget if I don't write them down. I suppose I really ought to post a few pictures as well, since I promised that months ago and still haven't done it. Maybe with this super-fast hotel internet it won't take blogger so long!